The reflection of this 30 year old:

I have been 30 for 38 days, and I dont feel a bit different than when I was in my 20's. Everyone spoke of 30 as this age taboo, they explained it as if overnight I would turn into this weeping blubbering mess of a woman babbling on about life goals and how im not satisfied with my life, but those things never happened for me... In reflecting on my 30 years past, well at least what I can remember of these 30 years, I have learned so much, grown both emotionally and mentally, and lived. When I say I lived I mean I. Really. Lived. I lived more than a “normal” 30 year old should be able to say, and for that I feel lucky, spoiled, and well, loved.

I found love in my life, love for people both family and not, love for hobbies, love of animals, love of life, and for that I feel lucky. I am extraordinarily thankful for my spouse, my husband, my lover, my best friend. Husband is a guy that is quite literally my angel, whom has saved my life in so many more ways than physically saving it, though he has done that as well (yes, he is that awesome). If ever one person could say they loved their spouse, it’s me, I truly ridiculously incomprehensibly love this man, we are like a Nicholas Sparks novel, hopefully without ending in Alzheimer’s. I can’t wait to spend my next 30 years being as good to him as he is to me.

I am thankful that in my 30 years I have been able to travel immensely, and much more so in recent years!  Travel is one of those grand things in life most people would love to say they do often, and I get to travel so very often, and for that I am thankful. Travel is a constant source of creativity for me and the work I produce and never do I feel more productive as an artist as when I travel, its food for this gals soul.

Hobbies are a person's way of finding themselves and I found a passion for photography; I am not world class though I plan to get there one day. Photography is dynamic and interesting, it's a challenge to take a photo of something photographed 1000 times before and make it look different.  Photography is creativity in real life, creativity in motion. To say I live my life through a lens is a understatement, I live my life and view others lives unfolding in front of me through my lens.

Another hobby of mine (and Husbands) is off-roading. If someone told me I wasn't allowed to off-road I am quite sure a large part of my soul would die. I actually love being outside, I love being with people who matter to me, and I love being a part of a small group of people that have seen the places I have seen. It’s so special to share these stories with the friends and family that understand this hobby and addiction, as well as share it with those who don’t feel quite the same.  I love the dunes, I know I talk about it all the time but that’s because I bleed sand and oil. Wow, did I just say I bleed sand and oil? It sounds painful, and sometimes it is, but it’s so true. I am quite sure I was born out there, in the dunes, then placed in a car seat that was strapped into a sand car that raced around the dunes at 100 mph.  Duning is so natural to me, it’s like surfing the sand in your own car making your own destiny. The love I have of this hobby is probably unhealthy, but that is no matter, live is unhealthy, all of it, just ask your friends.

Family, I have learned the meaning of family, the value of family, the love of family, and, sadly, hatred from family. Family is where I come from, the people that lived the lives before me which made me. Family is my baby brother, whom I believe to be my twin though we are not actually twins, he is the most like minded to me, we look closest of all the siblings, and are emotionally closest (I feel, though he might not). Family is also my older brother, a changed man, a reborn soul into a man who had a rough start.  Family is a sister who is struggling at the current moment with her own demons, and is paying the steep price of bad choices, however, a comeback might be in her future. People can change, second chances should be given, and retribution is glorious. That is family.  Family is being privileged enough to have two parents who love their children wholeheartedly, two people who really had to work on their relationship to stay together as long as they have. A mother who is the most caring and supportive woman on the planet, you don’t know your own strength mom. A father who offers constant love and support to his children even when he doesn't fully agree with the end game, you don’t know how affected we all are by you dad, we love you dearly though fail to show that often enough. You can’t truly know where you are going until you learn where you came from, my roots are my family.

Friends, I am privileged to call my friends mine, many I have called friend for 20 years or more. These friends are the type that don't require daily hand holding, they are zero drama and zero pressure, but will be there for me (and I for them) at a moments notice. I am grateful that my best friend married my brother, and now we are sisters, what a great family story! I am grateful that this friend can now be called sister, and that my family has grown by herself and her three wonderful children. I am grateful for my girlfriend from 6th grade, I have the fondest memories of our childhoods together and she made my childhood the best I could have asked for.  More recent friendships have blossomed, older friendships rekindled, and life is grand. Friends are the family you get to choose, and I feel I have chosen family for life.

What have I learned?

I have learned many things, many things that are great and I feel fulfilled to know, and many things I wish I could forget; however, those things are the basis of my foundation so my regret of these unwanted lessons is not there. Regret is like a bag of bricks, all you have to do is set it down.

I have learned happiness, husband is my soul mate and he makes me happier than I can describe. It is his desire to make me the happiest person he can, and I of him, and we work very hard to maintain this life we have, our happy life. And while we are still debating on having a family of our own, our current family of 4 puppies and our 2 souls is amazing and crazy, but it’s a place full of love and happiness.

I have learned how to live without eating meat, this has been a triumph for me as I love to eat, and I love to cook. I am nearing 8 years without red meat or pig, and 3 years without foul, what a triumph!! Life is healthier for me without ingesting meat, regardless of what any meat eater says, and while I do not eat meat husband does, so I have made concessions to cook as he loves while being true to myself.  Sacrifice, discipline, and diligence have paid off with a healthier me, and for that I am thankful.

I have learned evil; sadly its closer than I would chose it to be.

I have learned humility, not one person is better than the other, not one person is worth more than another, not one person is more important in the world than another, which includes you and I.

I have learned forgiveness, and wow is it a hard thing to learn and ingest. Forgiving someone who has done or said terrible things is a large pill to swallow, healing must happen before forgiveness, but we do all deserve forgiveness.

I have learned what makes a “bad” person is their indifference of others, their feelings, well being, and lives.

I have learned that, generally speaking, people need to believe in a higher power to feel like they can live a full life. I have learned to not question their beliefs but to accept them regardless of their choice, and hope they can do the same for me.

I have learned that what I expect of someone else might not be their own expectations of themselves, and to eliminate disappointment I need to eliminate my expectations of others.

I have learned that despite my claims that I have a little black frozen heart, I don’t. I am actually a very emotional, caring, and sensitive person (damn it!).

I have learned I come from a long line of very angry people. Well s**t. Taming this anger, most of the time, has been one of my proudest inner self accomplishments. I don’t know where it comes from, but I know how to handle it now and channel it into healthy actions. Learning this lesson has taken me 30 years, 30 long years of learning what to do with anger boiling up inside, that’s a hell of a challenge and success.

I have learned I am different. I am not your stereotypical anything in life, I operate on an alternate frequency than most other people, and that me being different is OK. I have been called weird, a freak, and strange, and that actually makes me feel like I am doing something right. I don’t ever want to blend into the crowd, I want to be different, I am me 100% of the time regardless of who is around. Learning this confidence has taken me 30 years, and lots of tears, but it was worth the lesson.

I could go on forever with the things I have learned, but boring you with life lessons isn't what this is about. Just know, I am grateful for my last 30 years, and I plan to live another 30 (or more) fully satisfying years.

In my next 30 years I have plans for these things:

Win the lottery, lol!

Become recognized in the industry of photography, preferably in the wedding or Motorsport sector.

Gain more confidence in my abilities as a photographer, I am better than I think at what I do and my self-doubt clouds my decision making abilities during each shoot which in turn affects the outcome.

Travel, more. See more of our country, other countries, and other continents, hopefully while on a photo shoot:)

Continue to improve as a human; continue to improve to be the best wife, family member, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend I can be.

Strengthen the relationships that matter most to me, and learn to worry less about the ones that matter little.

Learn what is important to me in life, place more importance on those things, and little importance on the less important things.

Learn to not be so demanding of the people around me.

Learn to have more patience for all things, especially people, and traffic.

Continue to let people surprise me.

Spend more time with family, but lots of time with Gran.

Grab life by the cojones and go for everything I want.

Closing one door to open another

This family had to say their goodbyes to this little fellow and his mommie tonight, it was a sad departure but one I was glad to have had my camera for. They are off to greener pastures, literally, and while we will all miss them we wish them nothing but the best.

"She is becoming a woman and her life is just beginning, there is nothing to be sad about for that, its amazing to be a part of it! She is embarking on this journey and while maybe you cant be there physically for her you can be there for her standing beside her and her choices. Be the big sister you already are, with granting her this room to become the big sister she is to become, the mother she is becoming, and the person she is growing into." These photos are for you Sammy.

XO

V

Even Barb is going to miss the little muffin :(

and lastly, my absolute favorite...

There are no words that can express  how this photo makes me feel.